Death and rituals

 I got a call from my cousin at 5.30 am on 17th Feb that his father (my uncle/tauji) is no more.

As per tradition, we bathed Tauji's body and poured Ganga-jal in his mouth. The Pandit advised to put some gold in his mouth as it is believed to help salvation/mukti. Cousin was confused, then another cousin whispered in his ears that we can get a gold-foil (sone ki patti) from jeweler which is sold for this purpose only.

Since Tauji weighed much and the body was kept on second floor flat, someone suggested that  we pick him up with supporting mat and bed sheet and take him downstairs and keep on wooden base on the ground floor as it will be easier to manouvere. Pandit suggested that arthi (the body) is usually taken out from home. So we did the latter. It was difficult to carry down the stairs but it felt dignified and respectful to the deceased, when I analysed in retrospect. 

Since on 4th day of cremation, bones are picked up from the cremation ground, I got to know that deaths before sunrise is counted on the previous day. Since Tauji died at 2 am on 17th Feb., 4th day fell on Sunday, 19th. Now, someone told 4th and 13th day rituals are not done on Sundays and Wednesdays in Punjabis. So a suggestion came to pick bones on 18th, which was a Shivratri. After a lot of confusion, it was decided to choose 19th as the date for 4th day rituals.

Tauji wanted all rituals to be performed as per tradition, so my cousin wanted to do the 13th day rituals on exactly 13th day, which fell on 28th Feb (4th on 19, plus 9 days). Then someone suggested that in Punjabis, we deduct one day either on 4th or 13th day. So it was decided and declared to do the 13th day ritual on 27th. Some relatives wanted on 28th.

Later cousin decided to change the 13th day ritual on 28th Feb.

Another thing I found strange was that the cousin family was arranging for sheets(chadders) and nariyals(coconuts) to be placed on the body. So they bought 10 sheets and 5 nariyals. Ideally each should have made own arrangements. But maybe this was convenient for all.

Learning never stops.    

Story of a Bull

It was mid-1960s. We lived in a small village in Uttarakhand. One of our bulls had become old and was not being used by us. An ironsmith in our village asked my father if he could take the bull for using in his small farm. My father readily agreed and gave it to him without asking for anything in return. 

I was a school going child at that time. Next day, while on the way to school, I noticed our bull, along with some other bulls tied in a corner. The bull recognised me and made crying sounds. I was in a rush to go to school and knew that father had given it away so I ignored. In the evening, when father came home, I told him about seeing the bull. He got worried and took a sharp-edged tool with him and went in search of the bull. He got to know that a butcher had bought animals including our bull for slaughter. My father loved the bull like a family member. From there only, he kept moving in search of the bull and did not come home that night. I was afraid to tell anyone in family about the bull incident lest they blame me for sending our father after him. 

Father kept moving in the night with the help of a handheld torch. He kept enquiring about the butcher and based on leads provided by the villagers kept moving. Next day he caught up with him. The butcher told that ironsmith had sold the bull to him for five rupees. My father asked him to return the bull and offered ten rupees. The butcher was not agreeing. After seeing the hullaballoo, villagers gathered around them. Some knew my father. They pressurized the butcher to return the bull or else face dire consequences. Out of fear, he agreed and returned the bull without taking any money. Father brought back the bull to home after two days. Then all got to know about what had happened. Ironsmith was taken to task about betraying the trust.

The bull stayed with us for over two years and fell very ill in his last days. We read Garuda Purana and performed pooja for peace to his soul and he left us after that.

(As narrated to me by a colleague) 

I can be reached at gorask@gmail.com and whatsapp number 8800477973 for feedback, suggestions, ideas, collaboration, guest podcasts and other opportunities for working together.

My English Podcast "Lifebook" can be listened on the link https://anchor.fm/sanjay-gora7

My Hindi Podcast "Kitabi Keeda" can be listened on the link https://anchor.fm/sanjay-gora

Books written by me are available on Amazon, Flipkart and Notionpress sites.

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Notes on Polyvagal Theory

While doing a course on Linkedin, I learnt about this theory. Taking notes from Wikipedia, as it has the simplest explanation when I googled.

Polyvagal theory takes its name from the vagus, a cranial nerve that forms the primary component of the parasympathetic nervous system.^[8][9][10] The traditional view of the autonomic nervous system presents a two-part system: the sympathetic nervous system, which is more activating (“fight/flight”), and the parasympathetic nervous system, which supports health, growth, and restoration (“rest and digest”). Polyvagal theory identifies a third type of nervous system response – the ‘social engagement system,’ a hybrid state of activation and calming that plays a role in our ability to socially engage (or not).

Polyvagal theory views the parasympathetic nervous system as being split into two distinct branches: a "ventral vagal system" which supports social engagement, and a "dorsal vagal system" which supports immobilisation behaviours, both “rest and digest” and defensive immobilisation or “shutdown”. Polyvagal theory was introduced by behavioral neuroscientist, Stephen W. Porges, in his presidential address to the Society of Psychophysiological Research in Atlanta Georgia on October 8, 1994.

(Source Wikipedia)

Notes on Logical fallacies

       Ad Hominem Effect

(Attacking the person): This fallacy occurs when, instead of addressing someone's argument or position, you irrelevantly attack the person or some aspect of the person who is making the argument. The fallacious attack can also be direct to membership in a group or institution.

(Source https://www.txstate.edu/philosophy/resources/fallacy-definitions/Ad-Hominem.html#:~:text=(Attacking%20the%20person)%3A%20This,in%20a%20group%20or%20institution.)

Strawman Argument/Fallacy

You misrepresented someone's argument to make it easier to attack.

By exaggerating, misrepresenting, or just completely fabricating someone's argument, it's much easier to present your own position as being reasonable, but this kind of dishonesty serves to undermine honest rational debate.

Example: After Will said that we should put more money into health and education, Warren responded by saying that he was surprised that Will hates our country so much that he wants to leave it defenceless by cutting military spending.

(Source https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/strawman )

Bandwagon Effect

The bandwagon effect is the term used to describe the tendency for people to adopt certain behaviors, styles, or attitudes simply because others are doing so. More specifically, it is a cognitive bias by which public opinion or behaviours can alter due to particular actions and beliefs rallying amongst the public. ( Wikipedia)

Halo and Horn Effect

It is a cognitive bias that causes you to allow one trait, either good (halo) or bad (horn), to overshadow other traits, behaviors, actions, or beliefs.

(https://www.mollearn.com/about/news/is-the-halo-and-horn-effect-influencing-your-decisions-at-work/#:~:text=What%20is%20the%20Halo%20and,Kennon%2C%202011))

24 Character Strengths

Character strengths are those traits that show people's assets rather than their faults and issues. According to positive psychology, good character is exemplified by 24 widely valued character strengths. These are organized under six broad virtues.

These 24 character strengths were first identified by Martin Seligman, PhD, and Neal Mayerson, PhD.

The 24 positive character strengths are split into six virtue classes:

• Wisdom: 
• Creativity, 
• curiosity, 
• open-mindedness, 
• love of learning, 
• perspective
• Courage: 
• Honesty, 
• bravery, 
• persistence, 
• zest
• Humanity: 
• Kindness, 
• love, 
• social intelligence
• Justice: 
• Fairness, 
• leadership, 
• teamwork
• Temperance: 
• Forgiveness, 
• modesty, 
• prudence, 
• self-regulation
• Transcendence: 
• Appreciation of beauty, 
• gratitude, 
• hope, 
• humor, 
• religiousness

(Source- Verywellmind.com)

Ben Franklin's '13 Virtues'

 

Ben Franklin's '13 Virtues' path to personal perfection

He considered various virtues that, if mastered, would counteract his unwanted behavior. His list of 13: 

Temperance, 

Silence, 

Order, 

Resolution, 

Frugality, 

Industry, 

Sincerity, 

Justice, 

Moderation, 

Cleanliness, 

Tranquility, 

Chastity and 

Humility.

Aristotle's list of virtues

 I learnt about this list in a podcast. Googled it and sharing.